When I first moved out here to the Boston area~ I thought I would live with my former brother in law and niece for a month or so till I got on my feet unaware of how much more expensive … Continue reading
Since my job was restructured last year~ I have been able to recuperate from my last teaching job. A job that started off as a great place to work and I thought it was my dream job but after the first year~ it became a nightmare. The director though a nice man ~ he is also a very weak administrator so there was no follow up on discipline or support given to staff. Even though I was the most experienced on staff and the oldest and the most grounding I still needed support especially since I was put into a nearly impossible position. Full time special education teacher (or in charge of all the paperwork and making sure all the services were being met and teaching 4 history classes. I thought at first no problem~ the director understands this is a big job he will support me. But nope he didn’t in fact when I asked him for help and even gave him suggestions as to what would help me do my job better and/ or make things easier for me. He actually gave me more responsibilities. WTF? dude seriously? But the guy has some serious passive aggressive issues. I started to push back too. I didn’t make any attempt to waste my time doing pointless paperwork such as writing out my lesson plans in a complete format ~ and I told him I felt like I had more important things to do like actually teach rather than fill out some sheet that he would look at once and then forget about checking on it ever again, ok I didn’t say that to him but I had noticed had been his MO.
When he told me he was going to restructure my position, I told him good luck with that. And good luck finding someone to fill my shoes. Well, he then restructured it to what I had originally suggested to him but he waited to tell me that on the last day of school. And told me I could reapply if I wanted. Well, that and I needed to pass this fvkkcing exam that has nothing to do with special ed. As of this writing, I am still waiting to hear if I pass it or not again. I was angry at first ~ feeling like he never appreciated me. Well, seriously he didn’t until it was too late. I did speak to him and told him my issues and I recommended he think about going into another field where he could actually make a difference instead of holding back progress at the school. He rolled his eyes at me~ asshole. So he lost all 5 of his teachers. He had lost 5 teachers the year before too. But he was saving the collab. money by hiring new inexperienced teachers every year. The program be damned.
But I would not have been ready to return to work back in mid-august ~ the woman I lived with was dying. I was still feeling burned out, and I had that exam to retake. eye roll! But lucky me~ I could get an unemployment check. So I go through the motions~ applying for jobs and re-writing cover letters. But this time has given me time to think and appreciate. I will write later about Marion’s death but if I had been teaching I wouldn’t have been an option to assist and then be apart of her transitioning. I am reading books, going to the beach, spending time with Lucy, hiking in the woods, think about my own health and write letters. We don’t know what the future holds for us~ and sometimes we are giving such sweet little gifts thrown in among the sludge.
I was fortunate enough to be born into a family with siblings. I have 2 brothers one older, one younger and I had an older sister. There was 10 years difference between my sister and me. But she was my best friend, my protector, safety net, and voice of reason. Growing up my younger brother Roger and I shared a bedroom. We had bunk beds. One of our first real arguements I remember was over who got the top bunk, then my older brother Randy took Roger out in the hall and whispered something to him. Roger came back into the bedroom and told me I could have the top bunk. (Many years later I found out what Randy said to Roger to change his mind.) Randy told Roger if there was ever a thunder storm and lightening hit the house it would hit me first because I was up higher than everyone else in the house. For the most part Roger and I got along well~ I would do little things like trade all the good Halloween candy from his pumpkin to mine when he wasn’t around. Regular sibling stuff.
My sister Laura was the oldest, she looked very much like my mom the way she was built small framed, dark hair and dark eyes. I on the other hand looked like my daddy broad shoulders, tall, blond and blue eyed. I was the only blond, blue eyed one of the bunch. Well Roger was blond when he was little thanks to Sun In my mom put in his hair. Laura could sing, dance, play piano, act, she was loud, could and would laugh at anything and everything. She was my idol. We lived together briefly my first year in college, she moved back to the midwest from CA. We had a great 2 bedroom apartment with 2 bathrooms. We would have long conversations about music, boys,laughing and tattoos. She wanted one. I asked her repeatdly not to get one. She knew exactly what she wanted. A spaceship over her left breast with a little alien waving. She got it overspring break when I wasn’t around. *That tattoo later is part of a great story. When Laura was around everything seemed to be more fun.
After Laura graduated from college she decided she wanted to live in the New England area so back to Boston she went. We still talked on a regular basis, but it was different with her being so far away. She would come home for visits and I would go out there to visit her. I knew I wanted to be closer to her. Just the beginning….
I am the mother of 2 beautiful, smart, hard working daughters. Both are in their early 20’s both have graduated from college. Both have their own places~ Emily my oldest who is 24. Has a job she loves and a very modern apartment in a big city. She has always been very disciplined. Erin just got a job in the same state she where she graduated and has an apartment and loves living in the big city too.
Growing up the girl’s father and I always insisted they finish what they start even if they didn’t like it. Erin played softball one season~ but she finished the season. Erin also played soccer and swam, then figured out in middle school that she was a pretty good runner so she did track and then cross country. Emily also played soccer, and swam but did track in middle school. Emily swam in HS and a couple of years in college. I believe that sports helped the girls deal with failure at times. But there were other times when they were forced to use problem solving skills. Emily spent a semester abroad in Greece on her return trip. She got to Athens only to discover the airline which she had her returned flight booked for had declared bankruptcy so she didn’t have a return flight home. I didn’t have my phone with me so she was unable to reach me. She did have my partner’s number but chose not to use it. Her father doesn’t have a phone. It was a pretty rotten thing to have to figure out but with a little ingenuity she was able to get to London and was able to catch her last flight.
Erin also had an opportunity to learn how to problem solve. Erin borrowed my van to a bunch of her girlfriends about 1 hour and 1/2 to a concert. On the way there they got a flat tire. She had triple AAA but it was during rush hour and was told it would be a little while. She was not happy and kept calling me asking what she should do. She wanted to leave the van someplace but told me she was afraid of getting raped. I advised her to breathe and slow down and told her the chances of her getting raped were pretty low especially if the girls all stuck together. Her sister Emily was furious with me for making her figure it out on her own. She had my van there wasn’t a lot I could do for her. Erin did get it figured out and didn’t get raped.
Through both of those experiences ~ my girls were able to gain self confidence and figured out they are much more capable. There is a sense of accomplishment.
When I was 16 I ran away with a bunch of protesters. I flew to NYC to protest with them. I called my mom once I got there she bought me a ticket to come home. But by the time I was ready to come home I had cancelled and rescheduled my ticket many times (this was back in the 1980s) I took a cab to the airport I had just a little bit of cash left but enough to pay for the cab but that only left we with about $2.00.I went to the ticket counter and discovered because my ticket had been cancelled and reschedule so many times it was cancelled for good. I remember I started crying. The people behind the counter were wonderful and a stranger sat next to me while I waited while they tried to figure things out. She gave me a few dollars and told me to buy myself some breakfast. I guess the kindness of strangers played a big part in that adventure. The airline did figure it out~ and this was around Thanksgiving too and I was able to get back home. I think it was my early adventures that helped me decide that starting over 1,000 miles from where I was living was possible.
Well my life continues to amaze me in the twist and turns of life. I say this everyday and mean it. I love living here in Boston. So much to do and see and experience. My heart and head feel so much freer.
It will be a year in August since my former partner Brian decided he wanted to see if the grass is greener and released me from his heart. It has be tough,horrible, wonderful and a learning experience. I packed up my van and Lucy and moved 1,000 miles away from him. Hoping and waiting for him to come to his senses or for it to finally sink in that ~ he wasn’t all I thought he was. He lied to me repeatedly, cheated and took advantage of my heart.
I can only speak for myself and observe what I think makes a good and healthy relationship. Brian started putting his energy into his on-line relationship instead of putting it into our relationship. Of course when I look back I see myself as never doing anything wrong but I did. I tolerated his disrespect because he was affectionate with me. I had my own demons of being needy and wanting more. I really did love him. But from the beginning, it was too much for me. But I needed the attention he gave me, the “love” he gave me. When I bought the first house for us. I wanted it just for MY girls and me not for him and his girls. But he had the down payment and I had the good credit. He was out of work but I encouraged him to really look to his heart about what he wanted to do. He didn’t ~ he just looked at porn. lol (I was able to joke with him about this back in the early days.) Little did I realize that his time waster was more that idol past time. But I have been at that place where avoiding life seems easier than dealing with the hard truth of life.
He has moved on and got engaged to her 6 months after I left. He had asked me to marry him too early on too~ he wanted to go to Vegas. I said, no I wasn’t ready yet. The universe was looking over me. But I stayed for 4 and half years. I think because I loved his girls. And I loved him and his promise to me.
I have moved on too~ I will find a new dream house, a new career that I love, a new life partner. Maybe he is already in my life. We will see. I say I have forgiven him but that isn’t true all the time. I want to get to that point and I will. Now to set my own goals and plans for my life now.
I was driving this morning dropping some child off for some activity, when I started thinking about friends and others who have been married for a while. Why do some couples make it and others don’t? And what constitutes a good marriage?
What makes a good marriage?
What keeps you going?
Does it get easier?
Is it just a habit?
Now a little about myself~ I am a divorced. I was married 21 years. I was pretty unhappy most of my marriage. I tried hard to please him but he was also very unhappy. And even though divorce has been the right decision for me as far as being a much happier person, I can’t answer that question for him. He doesn’t speak to me at all, even when he sees me in public. We have 2 wonderful daughters together. I am currently living with a man I love very much, but there are commitment issues. I am so interested to figure this out.
I read once that the answer to a long marriage is a poor memory. So over the next few months. I hope to interview or develop some type of survey to find out about marriage. I would greatly appreciate any input, everything would be kept completely anonymous. Message me on Facebook.