Well my life continues to amaze me in the twist and turns of life. I say this everyday and mean it. I love living here in Boston. So much to do and see and experience. My heart and head feel so much freer.
It will be a year in August since my former partner Brian decided he wanted to see if the grass is greener and released me from his heart. It has be tough,horrible, wonderful and a learning experience. I packed up my van and Lucy and moved 1,000 miles away from him. Hoping and waiting for him to come to his senses or for it to finally sink in that ~ he wasn’t all I thought he was. He lied to me repeatedly, cheated and took advantage of my heart.
I can only speak for myself and observe what I think makes a good and healthy relationship. Brian started putting his energy into his on-line relationship instead of putting it into our relationship. Of course when I look back I see myself as never doing anything wrong but I did. I tolerated his disrespect because he was affectionate with me. I had my own demons of being needy and wanting more. I really did love him. But from the beginning, it was too much for me. But I needed the attention he gave me, the “love” he gave me. When I bought the first house for us. I wanted it just for MY girls and me not for him and his girls. But he had the down payment and I had the good credit. He was out of work but I encouraged him to really look to his heart about what he wanted to do. He didn’t ~ he just looked at porn. lol (I was able to joke with him about this back in the early days.) Little did I realize that his time waster was more that idol past time. But I have been at that place where avoiding life seems easier than dealing with the hard truth of life.
He has moved on and got engaged to her 6 months after I left. He had asked me to marry him too early on too~ he wanted to go to Vegas. I said, no I wasn’t ready yet. The universe was looking over me. But I stayed for 4 and half years. I think because I loved his girls. And I loved him and his promise to me.
I have moved on too~ I will find a new dream house, a new career that I love, a new life partner. Maybe he is already in my life. We will see. I say I have forgiven him but that isn’t true all the time. I want to get to that point and I will. Now to set my own goals and plans for my life now.