So every woman has a story ~ sure most women have multiple stories. I think it is brave so many women are coming forward and I hope it changes behavior. I have so many stories I don’t even know where to start. Getting molested when I was 7 at the beach in Miami when I was just wading in the water- having a stranger teenage boy stick his hand down my swimsuit, or having jr. high boys or high school boys assume because I developed big breast that this somehow makes me easy and that I want it. It’s funny after my father died I did want attention from boys or males.
So I decided to take control of my sexuality and I became rather intimidating to most of the boys my age. I would tell them what I wanted and how I wanted it. I was confident and sure.
And there were many #metoo experiences that were not asked for. Many times I would be grabbed or pinched or stalked. But the time I recently looked back on~ with such great sadness is after my sister and mother passed away. My boyfriend B. I was crazy about and he acted like he was crazy about me. He was very affectionate with me and very attentive. He was also very sexual. I didn’t realize that he would masturbate multiple times throughout the day even after we would have sex. I knew he had a real porn habit and discovered he had naked pictures of old girlfriends. All of these should have been red flags. But I was in a vulnerable state~ I was separated and divorcing my ex-husband. I had just lost my sister who was my best friend and my mother in a matter of weeks. And I had this man who was expressing interest in me. I wasn’t sleeping a lot initially during that period. I would wake up in the middle of the night and usually wander downstairs and read or write. Some nights I would be so tired I took something the doctor prescribed for me to help me relax. I might actually sleep for 4 or 5 hours on those nights. One night was like that~ I was tired and just wanted to sleep. But B. was feeling horny. So even though I was asleep he fucked me. I remember waking up and pushing him off me and telling him no. But that didn’t stop him. When he had climaxed he stopped and then rolled over and fell asleep. I was awake by this point. WTF? I stayed with him for 4 more years. But he had 4 daughters that I felt needed love and attention and he wasn’t giving it to them. So the mother in me stayed for them. I bought us 2 houses. He lied repeatedly and had emotional affairs with women he met on the internet, and regularly corresponded with an old girlfriend. He got together with her after he and I broke up. I emailed her and warned her about his sexual addiction and other issues. She ended up marrying him. Better her than me ~ just wish he hadn’t taken so much from me.