#metoo

So every woman has a story ~ sure most women have multiple stories.  I think it is brave so many women are coming forward and I hope it changes behavior.  I have so many stories I don’t even know where to start.  Getting molested when I was 7 at the beach in Miami when I was just wading in the water- having a stranger teenage boy stick his hand down my swimsuit,  or having jr. high boys or high school boys assume because I developed big breast that this somehow makes me easy and that I want it.  It’s funny after my father died I did want attention from boys or males.

So I decided to take control of my sexuality and I became rather intimidating to most of the boys my age.  I would tell them what I wanted and how I wanted it.  I was confident and sure.

And there were many #metoo experiences that were not asked for.  Many times I would be grabbed or pinched or stalked.  But the time I recently looked back on~ with such great sadness is after my sister and mother passed away.  My boyfriend B.  I was crazy about and he acted like he was crazy about me.  He was very affectionate with me and very attentive.  He was also very sexual.  I didn’t realize that he would masturbate multiple times throughout the day even after we would have sex.  I knew he had a real porn habit and discovered he had naked pictures of old girlfriends.  All of these should have been red flags.  But I was in a vulnerable state~  I was separated and divorcing my ex-husband. I had just lost my sister who was my best friend and my mother in a matter of weeks.  And I had this man who was expressing interest in me.  I wasn’t sleeping a lot initially during that period.  I would wake up in the middle of the night and usually wander downstairs and read or write.  Some nights I would be so tired I took something the doctor prescribed for me to help me relax.  I might actually sleep for 4 or 5 hours on those nights.  One night was like that~ I was tired and just wanted to sleep.  But B.  was feeling horny.  So even though I was asleep he fucked me.  I remember waking up and pushing him off me and telling him no.  But that didn’t stop him.  When he had climaxed he stopped and then rolled over and fell asleep.  I was awake by this point.  WTF?  I stayed with him for 4 more years. But he had 4 daughters that I felt needed love and attention and he wasn’t giving it to them.  So the mother in me stayed for them.   I bought us 2 houses. He lied repeatedly and had emotional affairs with women he met on the internet, and regularly corresponded with an old girlfriend.  He got together with her after he and I broke up.  I emailed her and warned her about his sexual addiction and other issues.  She ended up marrying him.  Better her than me ~ just wish he hadn’t taken so much from me.

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