The Capitalist

I am very much of the mindset to take life as it comes.  Yes, I work and I have at many times put in too many hours for a job I felt required to do so for it.  After working 60+ hours at a previous job, I started to resent my boss especially after getting reprimanded by his boss that had no idea what I was doing.  After that interaction with “Judy”, I gave up killing myself for a job.  I did the best I could but I stopped trying to be perfect or even go above and beyond.  When I realized I wasn’t getting the support from my boss or recognition of the extra hours.  Later after that meeting, when my boss came and asked me about what I thought about the meeting I was honest.  I told him I thought Judy was unprofessional and a bully.  At the end of the school year, I told him he let me down by not standing up to her.  And part of the reason I would not return the following year.  What does this have to do with capitalism?

I am currently not working.  I am getting an employment check and I am doing ok financially.  I am waiting for the right job instead of just taking whatever.  This holiday break~ a close family member who is younger than me.  This family member doesn’t have a husband, or children or even a pet.  But has a good job that they* seem to like. They put in many many hours of work.  And to reward themselves they have a nice home and a luxury car.  They share their money with family members they deem worthy of their money and love.

So I had a conversation with this family member,  I was given the 3rd degree about not having a job or my own home, and about not being worried about it at all.  I was asked why I wasn’t with an old boyfriend B. (well he got married a couple of years ago to the woman he cheated on me with), would I ever get remarried, (I don’t know but probably not), why I stayed in the Boston area, (I love it) then asked why because you get unemployment?  No, not because I get an unemployment check but because I don’t feel like I have to pretend to be someone I am not.  I like the politics and living in a big city with all the big city life but a more small-town feel.  They were not happy with my responses.  Then I was questioned about not having a job; so do you have any possibilities of jobs, (yes a few)  so actual job offers (no, actual offers on the table), but I have had a couple of places but they were places I wasn’t interested in working after a closer investigation.

This family member spent very little time with me during the holidays and when I asked to spend more time with them. I was made aware if I complained about the amount of time I would be cut off completely.  I want to reach out to this family member and tell them not to worry about me.  This family member was very closed to hearing anything from me.  I did want to share some personal things that were in my heart but quickly realized they would not be heard.  I love this family member greatly and will never stop loving them.  But I have come to the awareness that life is short and we only go around once.  I have had way too much loss to not appreciate every moment possible.  My happiness and contentment with a job is much more important than any amount of money.  Sure the kind of money they make would be great but the price isn’t worth it to me.  And trying to shame me for not working is something I won’t accept from them.  What I want from this family member is time, not things and that’s what makes it so sad.

I won’t be around forever and I am a good person.  I would do anything for “them” but don’t judge me because I am not on the same path as you.  That isn’t the direction I was put on earth to take.

*Use of this pronoun to protect the identity of the person. As well as other details of the interactions.

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